Belinda Waited

Belinda was going into her senior year of high school when I started pastoring the small youth group at a church in Running Springs. She was a great girl with lots of life and a beautiful smile. But she wasn't all personality and a pretty face, she had something that increased her cool factor a lot. She had made a commitment not to kiss anyone but her husband, and even then not until her wedding day. It was a bold commitment and boy did she take it seriously. Shortly after graduating high school she started to date a guy named Chris. Tall and ruddy, Chris had a smile almost as bright as hers, and had a great head on his shoulders. He was diligent and a good man. He and Belinda both had a strong relationship with the Lord and their relationship seemed to magnify that.

Sadly, I had to move away from my life there shortly after they had started dating. While I was gone, they fell deeply in love. Though they were in love, they always made sure to listen to God's calling on their lives and follow him first. In fact during their relationship Belinda traveled abroad to study. I kept in touch through reports from friends and the occasional contact which I have gotten less of lately. but I do remember one summer day, when I went back to visit the area, Chris told me he was going to ask Belinda to marry her. I can't tell you how happy I was to hear that. Before I knew it, I received an invitation to their wedding and then the day came.

I remember putting on my one suite (sometimes referred to as a "marrying and burying suit") and thinking, I can't believe someone from my youth group was getting married. I mean, i had just gotten married the fall before! It was a little weird. As we ushered into the chapel, I greeted my old friends with excitement and anticipation for the moments to follow. Then as I took my seat and the room got quite the Groom and his men took the stage. The music began to play, and the doors opened. She was beautiful and radiant, just the way a girl should look on her wedding day. She marched down the isle, confident and full of joy.

Towards the end of the ceremony, my heart started to beat a little faster, for I knew what was to come. And in that moment when the Pastor said, "Chris, you may for the first time Kiss your bride", he grabbed that girl, dipped her back and planted one right on her. It was perfect in every way. More importantly, it was the first time either of them had kissed anyone. Right there on that alter, they shared their first kiss ever, with each other, as husband and wife.

As a Youth Pastor, I often times I am asked the question "How far is too far?", or "When can I start dating?". Honestly, I have never been able to answer that question. I think it's far to personal for me to just give you an answer. For some 18 is too early and for others 16 is perfect. For some, kissing is too far and for others anything above the neck is fair game. So I have two answers to these questions that I think work 100% of the time.

To the question of how far one can go, my response would be to shift your paradigm. What if you looked at it as how far away from sex can I stay until I'm married. But a good rule of thumb is this:
If mom and dad decide to have Jesus over for coffee, and they're all sitting in the room with you and your bf/gf, how far would be too far? You can derive an answer from there.

To the question of when to start dating my answer is this. One should never date without a purpose. If your purpose is to figure out the kind of mate you would like to have, then there's no reason you can't date in bigger groups or go out to public places with family and friends. If your purpose is to see if you could marry this person, you should be ready for marriage in two or maybe three years.

Whatever you decide, remember that you are always loved by God, and he's always there for you in a crunch. If your desire is truly to be close to Him, everything else should fall into line pretty nicely.

Until Next time: Don't get dead.